Me and Oprah

We’ve heard it all before… “Dream the impossible dream”  Well, are we just hearing it or believing it?  Life is a verb and I wont waste another minute waiting for someone to shine their light on me… I will shine mine without a moment of trepidation because if we are truly luminous, that makes it easier for everyone else to see.

I say all that because like I do with many things, I took a chance. Oprah is creating an opportunity and I’m going for it… I’m not auditioning in a small room for a few, I’m doing it for all the world to see and excuse me for getting deep but it’s bigger than a funny 3 minute video, It’s me still being that 5 year old girl that believes she can have what she dreams about!!!

With a light heart we can change the world.

Now…Watch… Love… VOTE!!!!

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=15658&promo_id=1

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THIS ROCKS!!

There is nothing more than this! This feeling, this life… Nothing is more paramount than being fully self expressed, to be YOU fully. Thank you all for the love and support. Your visits leave me feeling… special and i dont mean that in short yellow bus sorta way…. really special!!

yours TRULY,

jennia

It’s My Blog! I Can Write If I Want To!!!

At midnight last night, I got the meanest texts ever! The ex did NOT like the article at all!  This absolutely floored me.  I felt as though I was reflecting and taking full responsibility for how I helped fuck up our dynamic.

Honestly, the “Life” article was both freeing and very hard to write. Freeing because it feels goods to tell truth and hard because the truth ain’t always easy.  I just know that when it ended I had one primary goal, to be completely transformed from the whole experience. The break up was by far the hardest thing I have EVER dealt with in that, it went deeper than 2 people I lost tons (I mean TONS) of friends as soo many were affected and so many had to “choose”.

The blogging has been for me what writing has always been; therapy.  When I began the blog I realized the power it had to help and so I made a pact to stay in integrity, tell the truth and NEVER ever play the victim.

So often, after a breakup, blaming feels good, even healthy at times but what would I gain from that other than more of what I don’t want? They say lessons are repeated until they are learned and man do I believe that!

My whole point of the “Life” article was the realization that I was the pot calling the kettle black. What I thought  was wrong was not wrong at all, it just wasn’t for me and no matter who you are and what you do there is someone out there who can and should embrace you. And if there are qualities about yourself you hate then either change them or find a way to fall in love with them. Because in truth, our relationships are reflections and if we can’t embrace ourselves then a relationship will only mirror back that which we cant stand to see…

I will always believe that every relationship in our lives should uplift, make us feel great and help us breathe easier.

My intention was never to cause even more pain by writing but to just honestly tell my side, express my thoughts and get my free therapy. I understand that you can’t please all the people all the time and you shouldn’t even try. I didn’t snap back at the ex….I held firm, suggested he read it again and simply said,

IT’S MY BLOG! I CAN WRITE IF I WANT TO!!!

Life. The Learn As You Go Program.

In my past relationship, I spent much of my time trying to change the poor guy.  I reflect on this with a bit of shame because I felt he spent most of his life being controlled by his family and then… he met me…. his “Savior”, right?

I had all these amazing ideas for how he should live his life. Eat this, Don’t eat that! Don’t ever use a microwave. Don’t have another drink.  Don’t get drunk.  Buy this.  Get this car.  Don’t be his friend.  Wear this.  Cut your hair.  Let it grow.  Read this book.  Stop playing video games.  Don’t buy that!  Don’t let your family control  you.

OMG! Out of the grip of his family and right into mine…

I swear, at the time, I had no clue that this is what I was doing. And at the same time, I can’t say that if someone told me I was doing this, I would have believed them.

As sad as that may be, I find so many couples with the same issues. The woman takes the lead and the guy reluctantly adheres. This is a formula bound for failure but I didn’t know. I thought if I get him to do all these things that I would love him ”more”. More is the key word because I did love him deeply but the problem was that he wasn’t exactly the guy for me.

I was young and up until that point my love came with a gazillion conditions and although him ”going along” with most of these helped us to be quite happy and prosperous, I don’t think it was fair. Okay, I know it wasn’t fair. You should fully and completely love your partner for who and what they are, as they are. Instead I loved him “as long as”…

While I was still in it, I remember, years down the line, the horrific feeling of no longer being attracted to him and knowing deep down that there was nothing wrong with him.  I read everything i could on the subject because I NEEDED to know why.

I read. I meditated. I took group therapy. I soul searched and you know what I found?

I was so busy….I handled our money. Did the paper work. Balanced the books. Handled the taxes. Did the cleaning. And all the while had no clue that every task I did meant I didn’t trust he could do it. I couldn’t relax and let him be a man and that lack of trust bled into our bedroom, I didn’t trust he could please me.

In truth, he was amazing. He opened doors. He made me laugh. He laughed at all my dumb jokes. He was loyal and honest. He ALWAYS told me how pretty I was. Whatever I asked for he would give me… but…

I learned that as strong as I am, I need some one stronger. I prefer a man with a family that does not interfere. Someone that I can trust to totally control the situation. Someone from a not so conservative background.  Someone who doesn’t play video games.  Someone to balance the books. A man who loves peace and harmony above the fight along with all the qualities that I was blessed to get in my previous relationship… And because I was able to look at all of my follies with truth and honesty I got the relationship I desired….

It amazes me that I had to experience soo much to really get this …

Life…Truly a Learn as you go program!